Mobiles at the Tea Party

• By Carol TigerSpirit Nemes

Can you imagine, if mobile phones had been invented when the scene of the Mad Hatter tea party was originally written?

The scene might just go something like this (just something I whipped up a while back off the top of my head (inspired by Tim Burton’s version of Alice in Wonderland)…

As Alice approaches the gate which surrounds

The Mad Hatters tea party where giggles abound.

The Mad Hatter invites her to come in for tea,

“Won’t you come in and drink some with me?”

 

Alice enters through a gate in a white picket fence

And sits on a chair on a cushion so dense

Not yet so comfy and the noise begins

“Oh dear who is it, who’s mobile rings?”

 

The Hatter and rabbit and others all check

In pockets, and wallets, and too, around neck

They all pull their mobiles out to see

“Is it me?””Is it me?””Oh! I think it’s me!”

 

The alarm bell goes, and it’s time to trade

“What shall we swap next, the tea’s all made!

“The Mad Hatter shouts out in fabulous glee:

“How about our phones! Who’ll trade with me?!”

 

“Oh wait,  I have an SMS!

But I have no credit, I must confess!

To my rabbit friend how shall I reply?”

The Hatter looked about to cry

 

The rabbit replied with much glee,

“I’m right here, don’t you see?

I just texted you to pass the cake!

Now hurry up for goodness sake!”

 

“Hark!  What are you doing my good chap?

I’m just downloading a facebook app

Amazing! The things these phones can do

I wonder… can it make a stew?”

 

The gryphon stirs his tea with a phone

The dormouse lets out a little groan.

“Oh Gryphon you promised you’d do that no more!

That’s my phone you’re using, now I’m sore!”

 

“So sorry dear mousy I hadn’t known

That I was using your own phone

Where has mine gone, let me see..

Oh there it is!”  He yells in glee.

 

The Queen of hearts is texting away

“Of with his head” her words must say

“It’s time the Dodo network passed

Time to destroy in one final blast”

 

The Mock Turtle is texting the Duck

Who is currently acting star struck

He’s never had tea with a Queen before

And is trying to appear as not a bore.

 

Alice watches all this, quite astounded

After all, many rumours had abounded

Of the Mad Hatters tea parties all in good fun

Where nothing is safe, no not one!

 

Things get swapped, switched and traded

Teas, and phones, and hair that’s braided

With objects moving around here and there

No one knows, where things are, anywhere!

 

Alice decides it’s time to go

But not wanting others to know.

She quietly tries to leave her place
But soon she’s very red in the face

 

All eyes have turned and are watching her

She now feels like a saboteur

“I must apologise, but it’s time to go,

This must seem so rude I know.

 

“I really hate to eat and run

But I feel my journey has begun

It’s time for me to head on home

Has anyone seen my mobile phone?”

 

They all offer up their phones in cheer

In unison saying, “Here you go dear!”

Alice’s face is all a flush

She couldn’t present a deeper blush

 

“Thank you all, so very kind.

My new friends all intertwined

Hold onto them,  and I promise most

I’ll ring!  You’ve all been perfect hosts.

 

Thank you again, I really must go.

It’s getting late and that I know.”
As Alice leaves, she can hear

The party continuing in good cheer.

 

If phones existed way back when,

And texting could be done back then

Just imagine all that could be said

To children everywhere read to in bed.