Remembering the past, Searching the future

Had a vivid dream just now as I slept, so vivid, that I had no clue this morning if what I had was an overnight nap or an afternoon nap. (I call them naps because I can never seem to sleep longer than 4 hours at a time when I do sleep, although looking at the time now, I calculated that I’ve had 5 hours sleep.. weird that, I’ve always slept in even numbers, but this is about the 4th time I’ve caught myself sleeping in odd number allotments). Hint of future changes to come?  Perhaps.

Anyway it started that I was at work in an office, and decided to go for lunch, so walked through a maze of streets, over bridges, then more pathways that kept moving out of my control.  Deciding I’d done enough walking, I headed back, but couldn’t find the building I was working in.  I hopped on a boat that took me to a similar building which I soon realised wasn’t the one I’d been working in, but I liked this building and the people in it.  The atmosphere was more relaxed and people here were more welcoming.

Nearby, there were people laughing and chatting as they sat on the dock, and there was one guy fishing.  I approached the water and looked in and I spied loads of small fish swimming around in the clear water so decided to show Cleo, she almost fell in as she tried to drink the sea water, my silly girl, but I caught her in time.  I was partially concerned that she’d get tangled into the fishing line which seemed to have no luck with the fish as they all swam around it, not really avoiding it, just not noticing it.

I decided I would go back and give notice at the other building then come back.  A new friend offered to take me in her speedboat after she finished work and I accepted, but decided to go for another walk anyway.

In hindsight, I find it funny that I was happy to quit a current job for a prospective new one where I hadn’t even asked if one was available, I only knew that I felt welcome there and it felt like home to me.

But in the dream, none of this came to me, I only wanted to get back and give notice.  I walked through this new building and some winding streets and through a type of shopping mall.  I say type because the building itself was very vintage arcade, as if it was built at the turn of the last century.  I was then reminded that I hadn’t seen my mum in a while and that we used to come here*

*Upon waking, I find this bit puzzling as I have no memory, in this life, of ever visiting this place with my mum, so guessing this thought in my dream to be symbolic.

I keep looking for building after building for my old job, but the offices are either all empty or being renovated and I realise I have no memory of where this is or where specifically my mum and I hung out at.

So I asked some guys on the street who seemed to want to avoid me for some reason (no clue), I finally pleaded with them that I really need to know which entrance it was as I can’t, for the life of me remember.

They grudgingly led me to an entrance deeper into the arcade and as I go in , and along corridors, I recognise the office where I work, but walk past that, something else has my attention.  Down a flight of winding stairs and all the memories come flooding back of the times I spent with mum down there, (and I think again this is symbolic of our shared activities in my youth), and the realisation that those times have passed and won’t return.

Devastated, I leave that building and head back to this new place that now felt like home.

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Yes, I was crying in my sleep, but I felt lighter in heart when I woke and even more hopeful than I had already been.

My current life does feel out of control to me like those paths in my dreams, and I’ve been trying to regain control with little to no success.

Also, I’ve been doubtful about parts of my future, scared of trucks, will I be able to get into a truck, will it be a safe journey, I didn’t doubt any other part, just that.

This dream was my mother’s way of saying “Go for it”, it’s time to let go, and it’s ok to let go.  She knew I stuck around for her when I was younger, when she was alive.  She knew I wouldn’t leave this State because I knew she needed me.

But she knows it’s ME time now, I need to get out and she approves of my plans.  Embrace the future, she tells me, and all that it brings.  Yes, there will be rough times ahead, but there will also be good luck and fortune.

With the symbols in my dreams, I could see that God gave His blessings also.

It’s now time for me to embrace the future and let go of the past.