16th July ’08

Well.. since this journal is here, I may as well put it to good use as I seem to be forever losing my bloody diary (the one that needs an actual pen to write in).. although I often wonder if that’s a subconscious thing.

 

I wonder too what’s gotten into me.  Years ago.. decades ago, I used to love writing in diaries (what we now call journals), and it was especially fun to read back years later, as a teenager, and then an individual in her 20s, seeing once again through the eyes of a child.

 

Not so innocent though.  Those child’s eyes had already seen a harsh world.  A mother who’s job that many, even to this day, disapprove in speaking of; a father and uncle who’s favourite pastime came out of a bottle. 

 

No friends at school, and every adult who disliked her for either her looks or the fact that her parents were poor.

 

But this child didn’t really care.  She had her angels and her invisible friends to keep her company, and kept her strong, especially through the difficult times like when doctors were torturing her with their ‘treatments’ but she knew were just ‘experiments’. 

 

But I digress.  This child, now in her 40s… My 40s, no longer upset about those memories of the past, understanding that someone had to be a guinea pig back then, so why not me.

 

Guess it continues to be my motto nowadays as I forever tolerate Market Researchers.. why not answer their questions? Be part of the statistics, at least I know I count for something… even if it’s just a statistic.

 

That’s my excuse for my looks as well.  Considering I’m the furthest thing from a blonde anyone could imagine.  I’m the classic fat female that every male dreads seeing chase them if they were to turn around and look behind them.

 

Have accepted this fact too.  Humankind can get stuffed!  I’m fed up with the unspoken law that all females should look like Barbie doll blondes with hourglass figures!  My favourite excuse nowadays is, “I”m here to make everyone else look good.”  It’s a crappy job, but someone has to do it.  LOL

 

But you know what?  I wouldn’t change this image medically if I had the money!  Why waste a few grand on liposuctions, breast enhancements and every other cosmetic crap out there?  If I had the money, I’d put it towards opening up a refuge, somewhere in the outback with lots of land, so there’d be enough building space to house hundreds of homeless people… or maybe just dozens… depends how much land I could afford, and as many dogs, cats, horses, and whatever other animals I could afford to rescue and care for them till I could find them better homes.

 

You gotta love how my thoughts jump around when I let them loose, but that’s me for you.  I start out with one subject, and within minutes, I’ve changed subject about six times.

 

So I guess that’s probably what I’ll use this journal for in future.  My thoughts, my dreams, my vents.

 

If you think I’m nuts by reading my journal, that’s fine, I didn’t ask you to read it, I’m not putting a gun to head.. you didn’t have to click on my page, and I don’t know most of you from an overstuffed flea, so.. won’t be offended.. besides.. you wouldn’t be the first to think I”m nuts.

 

If you did make it this far, I’m sure you were amused by my random thoughts.  I’m glad.

 

I often amuse me too.